When I came home today, I was really upset. My professor came up to me and talked to me about not getting a scholarship, earlier this year. The thing is, all I ever wanted was to study a year in the States. I literally worked my ass off to get a scholarship. I just don’t have enough money to pay for an academic year in the US, myself. I really tried. The first time, I was one of hundreds. Not accepted. The second time, I tried our direct exchange program offered by our English department. The university I chose offered 2 spots and we were only 3 candidates. Chances were good but unfortunately, the American university sent back all our applications and accepted nobody. I guess there was not enough money for scholarships. The thing is, the contracts with our university were signed shortly before the application deadline. If they had changed their minds a little earlier, we could have had the chance to apply for another university. Boy, was I mad!!!
But oh well, I tried again. EVERYONE thought I would get the scholarship. I really believed in it, too. I only had one person competing against me and I totally had the professor on my side. Today, he told me that he had highly recommended to pick me. I was his frist choice candidate and guess what, they didn’t pick me. I was devastated. It was Valentines Day, one day after my birthday, I came home from work and then, I got an email from my university. BAD SIGN! (The Email was from the wrong University) It said that the university in the States chose the other candidate. I never thought I could hate Valentines Day even more than I already do. I was sooo sad and I really, really thought that they would pick me. And my professor obviously thought they would pick me, as well. I have to admit, I’m still really bummed out because of this. It was one of my biggest dreams and it just didn’t work out. I tried sooo hard and did everything I could. Unfortunately, it was my last chance because I will (hopefully!) get my Master degree next year and then it’s goodbye university.
The thing that really frustrates me is the reason they didn’t pick me. Usually, you don’t really find out but today, my professor told me that they picked the other applicant because she has a migration background. Ummm, excuse me??? ( Of course, nobody would ever make an official statement about it, but my professor probably isn’t lying.) Well, tell me about discrimination. I think it’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, suddenly everyone gives people with a migration background a chance, but they’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Believe me, I think it’s great that everyone get’s a chance. I hate racism and never cared about where people come from. If I like someone, I like the person for who he or she is, not for their nationality. But not being chosen, even though you were more qualified, is just not right. The problem is that companies, universities, different people etc. want to demonstrate anti-racism by behaving like this, but I guess they don’t get that it still is racism. There are more fundamental things that have to me worked on, in order to create a universal, open-minded thinking. And the moment you choose someone over me because of where they come from, you are discriminating me! I might not have a migration background but I moved a couple of times as a child. Do they think that it was always easy? I moved to the States, not speaking a word of English and I learned to fit into place. I know how it is to adapt to new situations, to find new friends, to start all over. Furthermore, I speak the language perfectly, I have every qualification they wanted and I didn’t have a chance because I have to migration background. Isn’t that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard?
I did everything I can and I can only be the person that I am. If that isn’t enough there is nothing left, I can do. I think it is absolutely ridiculous to choose people, no matter in which situation, based on looks, sexual orientation or social background. If someone fulfills all expectations, then one should get a job, a chance, a scholarship…whatever. Everything else is simply unfair and highly discriminating!