Dear Women, It’s Not Your Fault!

It's not your fault!

To be honest, I intended to post something different today, but there is just something on my mind that’s been bothering me for a long time now. I’ve already mentioned this topic, a while ago, when I wrote about why I am a Feminist. I’m talking about rape and the justification of it.

There is no justification for rape. No reason, no circumstance, no social structure, no nothing makes it OK.

I am a woman living in the 21st century and I have to be worried that the way I look or dress, or just the sole fact that I’m a woman, gives men a reason to hit on me, sexually assault me and to rape me. I’ve been aware of this ever since I was bold enough to embrace my femininity. In my teenage years, I was definitely more revealing than I am today. Short skirts and high heels were my thing and boy, did I have to take a lot of crap for it. I was probably 13 when someone first called me a slut. Until today, there’s nothing I haven’t heard about myself, even though I never gave people an actual reason to judge me so hard. I remember being at an event with a friend of mine, and another girl said something like “the way they look, they shouldn’t be surprised if they got raped.” Wow,  this coming from another woman, who wasn’t exactly dressed like a nun herself, shocks me until today. But I was a teenager and I didn’t care. Today, I would’ve probably lost my temper and tell her something about feminism and being yourself and all those things.

Today, I leave my house with more fabric covering my body, but I don’t feel like much has changed. I get stared at, cat-called, judged and if I’m at a party, probably also touched without giving my consent. If I flip on a guy and tell him to go to hell, I get called a bitch. And what does society tell me? It’s my fault. I was probably too flirty, too drunk, too dressed up. That’s just bullshit. I could wear a potato sack and it would still happen. It occurs, no matter how a person looks, what a person wears and what a person believes in. Using clothes or promiscuity, gender, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, or a way of life as justification for any crime, is simply wrong.

I live in Germany and by now, the whole world probably knows what happened on New Years Eve in three large cities. Dozens of women were robbed, sexually assaulted and even raped. What happened afterward was a wild discussion about who is to blame. The police, the refugees, the chancellor, politics, religion, ethnicity and so on and so on. I don’t even  want to work my way further into this because this is not the main reason why am writing this post. In the aftermath of this ugly night, there was a big discussion about the safety in our country and how in the future, large gatherings could be made safer. So what happens? Instead of making it clearer than clear that no women is to be viewed as fair game, the mayor of Cologne, a WOMAN, told women to just keep an arm’s length of distance from anyone who looks suspicious, anyone we don’t know. Yeah, as if all these women just threw themselves at large groups of men, in order to be touched everywhere. It’s their fault because they didn’t keep their distance.

This is one of the most frustrating statements I’ve ever heard in my entire life. It just shows that society still punishes us for being women. Do I really need to apologize? I don’t think so. Teach men to have respect for women, from the moment they are born. Teach your kids, no matter if boy or girl, not to judge people based on looks, style, religion, heritage, origin, whatsoever and that none of these characteristics give you permission to treat someone in a bad way. Ladies, please don’t ever make a man think it’s ok to mistreat you. It is not and it is not your fault. What I would love to know from people who think it’s our fault, is, who’s fault it is when it happens to men and children? Is it their own fault too?

In my article about feminism, I wrote: “Just a few months ago, porn star Christy Mack was reportedly beaten by her former boyfriend MMA fighter War Machine. What I found most disturbing about the whole situation is the fact that his fans started raging against Mack for getting the police involved, arguing that as a porn star, she didn’t deserve better. Kim Kardashian was questioned about why she, as a mother, would get naked for the whole world to see. Correct me if I’m wrong: so just because she is a mother, she isn’t allowed to be sexy?  [. . .] Porn star or not, Kim Kardashian or not, we can do what we want with our bodies and we can wear whatever we want to wear. It doesn’t make us bad people who deserve to be mistreated in any kind of way.” Let me add that what War Machine’s fans were saying ended up being part of his defence in court. Also, I admire the Kardashian-Jenner family for being strong and powerful women, who are not afraid of showing their bodies.

Why does this topic make me so angry right here, right now? It makes me angry everyday, but I came across something on Twitter that just makes me incredibly angry, disgusted and sad. Some guys simply hate women for being women. They are afraid of our power and have no respect. There is a guy with a super hateful website, who is taking it to the next level. He wants to legalize rape on private property, in order to eliminate the general problem of rape. Yes, you read that right. Read his article and maybe even some more from his website and prepare yourself to get really, really angry.

What makes this case worse is the fact that apparently on February 6th, 165 meetings in 43 countries, all around the world, will take place, as gatherings for all the vicious people who support rape being legalized. I’m not sure what they are up to, but if you live in one of the cities, be careful. In general, always be careful but since these meeting-areas are officially named, just avoid them.

I’m just more and more shocked about what is going on in the world. It’s becoming such a cruel place and I really can’t say that I feel safe 24/7. Right now, I catch myself being scared for being German, a woman, modern, white, Christian –  whatever, you name it. My Grandma constantly utters her fear of me moving to a big city because of everything that is happening. It doesn’t change my plans. I will go, but  I can’t say that her words don’t reach me, at all. Still, even though it’s hard sometimes, I will keep on living my life like a modern and strong woman and no person in the world, male or female, will ever change that. It’s not my fault.

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About haileyjaderyan

⋅ 34 ⋅ a rollercoaster ride ⋅ undateable ⋅ dreamer ⋅ explorer ⋅ disney obsessed ⋅ ♥
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13 Responses to Dear Women, It’s Not Your Fault!

  1. Albersheiten says:

    I agree with you in all points. It’s getting worse here and I don’t know why it’s getting so cruel, it’s just sad and wrong that in a country like Germany a woman cannot feel safe anymore.


    • Thanks for reading! I just think it’s horrible and after reading about that nasty website and about legalizing rape, I just felt like hunting down that bastard and make him feel real pain. It’s just so frustratin that people still make women feel like they’ve done something wrong. A victim is a victim!!!


  2. Laura says:

    Great post, I totally agree with you! I just read that guys article. He is an idiot! He just seems to have no idea what he is going on about. He thinks he has thought it through but it is all just so … wrong! Taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable is wrong no matter how or where it happens.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for reading! That article and in genereal his whole website and what he does for a living is just insane. It’s just so sad that, no matter how stupid an idea is, you’ll always find supporters. And who knows what these people do to women. But I think it’s important to raise awareness and to always be careful.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so tired of woman being blamed. I loved this post. When I was a university student, I had a not so nice run in, and it ended badly for me. The backlash I, ME, got for it was awful. I got harassed online by the guy himself, and was called a slut by others. People who think rape culture isn’t a thing, and that mysogyny isn’t ingrained, need to check themselves and talk to actual woman (and men of course in some cases).

    Thanks again for this post! Such an important topic.



  4. Love this post & I totally agree with you!


  5. This is a great article, especially in view of the recent college student rape and ludicrous sentencing.

    I read a comment yesterday on a story about schoolgirls wearing shorts under their skirts so that boys don’t touch them inappropriately. People on there were suggesting schoolgirls should be made to wear longer skirts. What message are we sending ftom a young age if females are always to blame?


    • Thanks so much babe for reading. I completely agree with you. I feel like there is a new story, everyday and it’s so sad. I just thought to point out once more that it’s not women’s fault for any of it. This world is just a super fucked up place and us women need to stick together!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. We really do, yet I see other women victim blaming equally as much as men. Where’s the female solidarity? :-(


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