The Travel Tag

I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list. – Susan Sontag

Travel the world

I think traveling is one of the greatest things in the world and I’m really not doing enough of it. I really hope that one day, I will earn enough money to travel all around the world because that would really be awesome. I can’t say that so far, I haven’t been anywhere, though.

I definitely feel like planning a new adventure for the futuree, so this tag is perfect for thinking about all the places I still want to see. Just so you know, A LOT. Thank you so much This and Tatt for thinking of tagging me in your post. This is a super fun one.

I would like to tag some wonderful people, as well. My dear friend Gwennan from 20 Something Meltdown, Naomi from Teatime with Naomi and Kirsty Rose from Me, Cupcakes and Tea. Please share your travel dreams with us.

1. You are leaving tomorrow to start a life in a new country, where would you go?
Until two years ago, my answer would’ve always been the US. But I’ve already lived there several times and I just feel like I currently want something else. Knowing me, this can change any minute, though. Right now, I would pack my bags and move to London. I think it’s a fantastic city and it’s not too far away from home. Furthermore, most of my blogger friends live in England and I could finally meet some of them. So yeah, if anybody has a job for me in London, let me know.

London Bound

2. You can take someone for a weekend away to the place you had the best holidays ever, where would that be and who would you take to go with you?
I would always choose my best friend in the whole wide world. We don’t see each other too often and a weekend with my favorite girl would be amazing. I don’t really care where we would go cause the two of us would have a blast, even in the crappiest place. We had a fab trip to London once so we could definitely go back there. Or I would show her San Francisco because I know she would love the city. A weekend wouldn’t be enough, though.

3. You can get married wherever you want to, your budget is limitless, what is your choice?
Marriage is really not my thing, but the thought of a wedding is one that I love. Does that make sense? Anyway, ever since I was 15 or 16, I knew exactly where I would want to get married, if that ever happened. (Yeah right!) It will cost a fortune because I can be a little extravagant but oh well. You only get married once, right?! Haha! So my place to get married is in Potzdam, Germany (close to Berlin). There is a place called Sanssouci Castle and the garden is a dream. My spot has a big pond, staircases made of stone, a big green lawn and it’s just beautiful. The moment I saw it, I knew that this would be the place. I can’t explain to you why, but when you find the place, you just know.

Sanssouci
(Photocredit: Lars Meyer – http://www.um41.info)

4. During your travels you can bring back home one animal as a pet, which one would you pick?
Can I pick two? I always wanted a chimpanzee because they are brilliant animals. When I was  kid, there was a German TV-show which had one named Charlie as the main character and he just lived with a family of human beings and I thought it was fantastic. The other animal would be a dolphin because I just love them, a lot. When I went swimming with them, it was one of the greatest experiences ever. And I saw some wild ones, as well and they just fascinate me. I don’t know how I could make them an adequate home but this is only hypothetical thinking, right?!

5. You can get back in time and relive one family trip, which one?
My favorite family trips where those to Disneyland. When I was a child, my family and me went on vacation to San Diego, and I absolutely loved it. My highlight was definitely visiting the happiest place on earth. When I graduated from high school, my mom surprised me with a trip to Disneyland Paris and we had such a fabulous weekend. It was a dream come true and I would definitely not mind re-living either visit.

Disneyland Paris

6. What is the first thing you would pack for a one year travel around the world?
My camera, for sure. I guess there are more important things I should take with me, but it didn’t happen when you don’t have pics to prove it, right?!

7. What would your fantasy 100th birthday destination be, and why?
The question is if I would even be able to travel when I’m 100. I highly doubt that but ok. I can’t think of a specific destination right now but I’m sure the beach would be a great place to be. Or Disneyland cause I totally wouldn’t mind rocking some mouse ears when I’m 100.

Pfeiffer Beach Big Sur

8. During your travel you can learn one sport to become a pro, what would that be?
Oh man, I’m so terrible at these things. I tried water skiing twice and I don’t even have words to describe how much I sucked. It would be awesome to finally master it, though. And then learn how to wakeboard because I think that’s even cooler.

Find me on social media: Twitter  Instagram  Facebook  Snapchat  Pinterest  Bloglovin

Posted in Questions and Answers, Travel the World | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Photography: Baden-Baden

In case you didn’t know yet from my constant moaning on Twitter, I’m currently doing an internship. It’s 3-4 hours away from my home so I will be living somewhere else for the month. Of course, I try to explore nearby places, since I haven’t been in this part of Germany before, and take lots and lots of pictures.

Last weekend, I met with a friend, whom I don’t see very often, and we visited a city called Baden-Baden. We went to a café, roamed around the streets and visited a museum. A little culture never hurt nobody. I thought it was a really pretty place but unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see more, since the weather was totally against us. Exploring a city in the poring rain really isn’t much fun. However, I loved the pretty architecture everywhere and some buildings even reminded me a little of New Orleans, with the balconies and all. And helloooo, the street lights wear golden crowns. If that isn’t cool, what is?!

I hope to explore more places during my stay and next time, better weather would be amazing. For now, I present to you a little snippet of Baden-Baden.

Baden-BadenBaden-Baden Baden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-Badenhttps://haileyjaderyan.com/2016/04/30/the-single-girl-stigma/Baden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-BadenBaden-Baden

Find me on social media: Twitter  Instagram  Facebook  Snapchat  Pinterest  Bloglovin

Posted in Photography | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

MTV Video Music Awards 2016

VMAs-Red-Carpet-Live-StreamIt’s been a week since the VMA’s were celebrated in New York City and I’m sure that now, I can’t spoil it for anyone when I tell you what was going on. I’ve been a huge fan of award shows for many, many years and those presented by MTV were always my favorite. Unfortunately, I feel like they haven’t really gotten better throughout the years. I don’t know exactly what it is, but the last few years were a little disappointing but I still stay up all night and watch them from start to finish. One thing I’ve started doing only last year is watching the online live streams of audience, backstage and carpet cameras, while the show is on TV. I think it’s hilarious to see what the celebrities are doing while they think nobody is watching and it can be more entertaining than what is going on stage.

► Fashion

Was it only me or did anyone else think that the red, or in this case white, carpet was a bit underwhelming? I mean let’s be honest, nobody slayed like Blue Ivy did, not even her mother. The Final Five looked stunning, as well as Hailey Baldwin and the smokin’ Ashley Graham. And I’m so glad that Nicki Minaj at some point decided to drop her bubble gum hair and style because she looked absolutely incredible. Blue is totally her color. Aside from Blue Ivy, I would like to award Alicia Keys because she showed people how gorgeous she is, sans make-up, making an important statement by going all natural. I salute her for that. Overall, it was pretty much the same old, same old transparency and glitter. Well, and Bey added some feathers to it but that didn’t really do it for me. Out of her whole posse, Winnie Harlow killed the most.

I was really not a fan of Dascha Polanco’s outfit cause those jeans were awful and the whole look just didn’t work. She’s such a gorgeous woman, though. Also, Nick Jonas stole MC Hammer’s look, Naomi Campbell looked like she was kicked in the face by Dorothy and her red glitter shoes, and where those cats on Jaden Smith’s whatever that was? Weird. Again, pretty underwhelming. Where is Gaga in a meat dress when you need her?!

MTV Video Music Awards 2016

► Awards

To even call this an award show, when hardly any award was presented during the show, is ridiculous. Today, it’s all about too many commercials and people talking annoying crap that nobody cares about. I mean, who the hell thought it was a great idea to give Kanye a spot to do whatever he feels like doing?! What angers me the most about this is the fact that he always has opinions about everyone and everything. He thinks he’s freakin’ Jesus but when when he has the opportunity to make a statement, maybe talk about things that actually matter, he just offers incoherent babbling. Everytime you let him speak, he’s complaining, talking bad about someone who didn’t deserve fame or an award etc. Seriously dude, grow up. And just for the record, he’s always raving about Beyoncé, but during her fantastic performance, he and Kim were sitting backstage playing with their phones. Just sayin’.

In general, I feel like there were not enough celebrities in the house. The audience was full of seat fillers and most of the stars left after their performances, leaving the place with more seat fillers. Where is Taylor Swift shaking it off when you need her?! The best speech was clearly given by the wonderful Alicia Keys who addressed things that really matter and should’ve gotten more time to talk. Jimmy Fallon would’ve been a fantastic host and I vote for him getting that job, next year. I mean, him dressing up as Ryan Lochte and seeing Michael Phelps’ face was priceless.

I love that Drake won, I love that Fifth Harmony won, I guess Calvin Harris accidentally forgot to thank Taylor for his song and it was no surprise that Beyoncé took home the most awards. Thank God, I couldn’t have survived another Kanye rant. Anyway, I guess the cutest moment was Drake presenting Rihanna with her vanguard award. During the show, the backstage camera showed him and I was freaking out because I was 95% sure that he would honor Rihanna and I really wanted to see that. They are so cute together and it was a lovely speech.

Check out the full list of winners here.

Beyoncé VMAs

► Performances

The line-up of performers was amazing. Before the show started, I was really excited for everyone who was announced to hit the stage. Ariana Grande worked out more during her performance than I do in a whole year, Nick Jonas did really well and I was really looking forward to seeing Britney on stage. Unfortunately, she lip-synced her way through her performance and as pretty as the whole stage shadow-composition was, it didn’t really match her whole Vegas glitter performance. Beyoncé, who gave a whole Lemonade concert, of course slayed but honestly, I don’t think it was ok. She had her moment two years ago, when she received the vanguard award and this year, it was supposed to be Rihanna’s night. Sure, she opened the show, she closed the show and gave something in-between, but Bey totally stole her moment. Rihanna’s show unfortunately wasn’t anywhere near as great as the performance Queen B presented, because let’s be honest, she barely sings (I’ve seen her live three times and it’s honestly a waste of money), but still it just wasn’t right. Her show was great though, minus the singing or the lack thereof. I love that girl but she just doesn’t work, work, work hard enough on stage.

NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 28: Rihanna performs onstage during the 2016 MTV Music Video Awards at Madison Square Garden on August 28, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by D Dipasupil/WireImage)

So there you go, my thoughts on the whole show. I guess I didn’t really find too many positive things to say but these awards are just not as good as they used to be. I want a star-studded audience, more than a handful of awards, fabulous performances with fire, snakes, and everything else and a fun host would be fab, as well. But knowing me, I will still stay up all night, year after year because I just have to and can’t help myself. I mean, you never know what happens, right?!

All pictures were taken from the MTV website.

Find me on social media: Twitter  Instagram  Facebook  Snapchat  Pinterest  Bloglovin

Posted in Books⋅Movies⋅TV⋅Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Goodbye August

Hello babes,

I know, I know, I’m super late with this post but it has been a crazy and awful week, so I couldn’t manage getting anything blog-related done. Now it’s September and I feel like this year is totally rushing me to finally achieve something and I’m clearly not up for the race. Surprise, surprise, I’m still without a permanent job and I’ve done a lot of thinking about how screwed up the whole system is. It frustrates me so much that I get worked up over everything and the only thing that keeps me from completely going nuts is binge-watching TV shows that take my mind off of everything. But this cannot go on forever, so I am completely overthinking everything and I really, really, really want to find something by Christmas. If you could keep your fingers crossed for me, that would be great.

The reason for my terrible week was the start of my Internship on September first. Sure, it’s a good thing but it also means to go through a lot of hassle for just one month, when all I want is to start a real job. I really don’t know why I start acting like a baby who doesn’t want to leave her mother when something like this comes up, but I didn’t really have much of a choice. I guess it’s because for the past ten months, I’ve done nothing but hang around at home and totally got used to it. Not good, not good at all. I felt sick for days, I barely ate, I was in a terrible mood but now I’m doing it and I’ll survive. It’s only a month, after all. I’ll let you know how it all went, when it’s over.

In general, August wasn’t the most exciting month, even though there was lots of good weather. It doesn’t really change anything for me, since everyone else has to work. I had a few dates with friends and a fun party night with some of my oldest and best loves. The party sucked but with the right people, you never stop laughing and sometimes, that’s all your soul needs to feel better. That and four sausages (Bratwurst) in a bun, chocolate covered strawberries and a crêpe made me go to bed a very happy camper.

On the not so bright side, I cracked my phone screen, I had an awful sleeping schedule, especially thanks to the Olympics, I’ve been dealing with paining teeth and it drives me nuts but apparently my dentist isn’t able to do anything about it, which is bullshit, and I really was even more lazy than the months before. I’ve totally learned how to embrace my unemployment but I’m not too proud of that. So yeah, goodbye August, I’m not really gonna miss you.

I hope all of you are doing fabulous and I can assure you that I’m doing a lot better, as well. In case you had to deal with my constant moaning and ranting on Twitter, sorry for that but I really, really felt terrible. I’ll try to be better, depending on how the internship goes. But now it’s the weekend, I slept in, I’m chilling, did a lot of cleaning because the place I’m living at isn’t really clean enough for my taste (Why are guys such pigs and why do the landlords do nothing about it? I’m never moving in with a guy, ever!) and now it’s time for more chilling and TV. I’m good, I have plans, I’m adjusting to everything new, this month, and it will all be fine. I do miss my room, though but that is always the case, since it’s super special to me.

XO Hailey 

Be kind work hard stay humble

Lovely life
 scrapbooking for hours  cooking with mom  talking on the phone with my bff for hours  new shoes  Chinese food  coffee dates  face masks  the satisfying feeling of completely using something up  anticipation  talking to my au pair bestie  The Olympics  to-do lists  Gilmore Girls  a night out with my friends  food marathons  endless laughter  spending time with my god son  being excited for something  fun blogger chats  being very very lazy  cute sticky notes  everything Spice Girls related  skyping with my former au pair baby  award shows  Rihanna and Drake  embracing your imperfections  The Final 5  my new backpack  fun times with friends  casual flirting  when your family supports you  exploring new music 

 Songs I love
♪  Rhodes – The Lakes
♪  Tom Walker – Fly Away With Me
♪  Broilers – Ist Da Jemand?

Interesting articles
The 27 Funniest Snapchats of All Time // A Good Sport: Mel C (aka Sporty Spice) tells LOVE about Fame, Therapy and why she won’t be joining the Spice Girls reunion // BLAC CHYNA BARES ALL (This is so sad, I barely read anything in August.)

My August posts 
Goodbye July // The ‘Alice 1951’ Tag // Mixtape #15 – Shut Up And Dance With Me // 6 Reasons Why Friends Is One Of The Best Shows Ever // The Beauty Of California And What To Do // A List Of Things I’m Terrible At // A Story About Bullying And Peer Pressure // #BloggerProblems // Mixtape #16 – Get Your Freak On

My August Instagrams
Instagram August

Find me on social media: Twitter  Instagram  Facebook  Snapchat  Pinterest  Bloglovin

Posted in Goodbye 365 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mixtape #16 – Get Your Freak On

Mixtape #16 Get Your Freak On

Another day, another mixtape. I just never get bored of picking out my favorite songs. I really miss making actual mixtapes but my car radio doesn’t play those, anymore. It’s such a shame. Anyway, this playlist is a rather sexy one. It contains some of the best stripper songs, in case you want to get your freak on, or whatever else you feel like doing. I don’t know how they do it but trust me, you’ll immediately recognize the stripper beat in some of these. I’m not sure what makes a song sexy but with this list, sometimes it’s the music, the beat, the text or all of it combined. So just in case you want to make your special someone really happy and you need the right song, here you go. You can thank me later. Too bad I’m forever single because this mixtape is pretty damn hot.

Just for the record, me and a bunch of girls danced to one of these songs on a big stage in front of teachers, parents, grandparents, fellow students and whoever else was present. Raunchy clothes and all. I’m not going to tell you which song we were grinding to, though. Man, those teenage years were a lot more fun.

01. Marilyn Manson – Sweet Dreams
02. The Pussycat Dolls – Buttons
03. Rihanna – Pour It Up
04. Joe Cocker – You Can Leave Your Hat On
05. Tito & Tarantula – After Dark
06. Warrant – Cherry Pie
07. Christina Aguilera feat. Redman – Dirrrty
08. Ginuwine – Pony
09. 50 Cent – Candyshop
10. TLC – Red Light Special
11. The Pretty Reckless – Just Tonight
12. Lil Wayne – Lollipop
13. Def Leppard – Pour Some Sugar On Me
14. Zayn Malik – Pillowtalk
15. Britney Spears – Gimme More
16. Selena Gomez feat. A$AP Rocky – Good For You
17. Rihanna – S&M
18. Beyoncé – Partition
19. Michael Jackson – Dirty Diana
20. Chris Isaak – Wicked Game
21. Feder feat. Lyse – Goodbye
22. AC/DC – The Jack
23. Christina Aguilera & P!nk & Lil’ Kim & Mya – Lady Marmelade
24. Kings Of Leon – Sex On Fire
25. Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z – Drunk In Love
26. Ciara – Body Party
27. Peggy Lee – Fever
28. Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On
29. Kings of Leon – Use Somebody
30. Prince – Kiss

Find me on social media: Twitter  Instagram  Facebook  Snapchat  Pinterest  Bloglovin

Posted in Mixtape ♬ | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

#BloggerProblems

Yes, yes, us bloggers have to deal with a lot of problems on a daily basis and although they may not seem serious to most people, I know that bloggers totally get me. I admit, none of this cannot be survived but it can be super frustrating, at times. And before you roll your eyes at us, think about all the #firstworldproblems you would put on a list because those aren’t life demolishing, either. If you have anything to add to this list, be my guest and leave a comment.

Bloggerproblems

  • When you just can’t come up with the right picture to go with your post.
  • When you reached a follower goal but don’t want to say something because someone will unfollow, anyway.
  •  When you forget to schedule tweets.
  • When you’re really hungry but have to get the perfect picture of the dish first.
  •  When you’re phone or camera battery is running low.
  • When you just can’t seem to stick to your blogging schedule.
  • When you just have to check your phone, no matter who you’re hanging out with.
  • When you have to explain to your real-life friends how important it is to reach another follower milestone.
  • When you just can’t come up with something to write about.
  • When you suddenly spend a lot more money on make-up because you follow too many beauty bloggers on Snapchat.
  • When you feel bad for a just-promotion-tweets kind of day.
  • When you find inspiration but the situation doesn’t allow to write something down.
  • When you never win in a giveaway.
  • When you can’t attend fun blogger events because you live in the wrong country.
  • When you accidentally forget about your favorite blogger chats.
  • When you’re proud of a post but hardly anyone reads it.
  • When you receive spam comments like “great post …link…”
  • When you tag people in posts and they don’t even respond when you let them know on Twitter.
  • When you and somebody else have been following each other and then the person just unfollows you.
  • When you get an auto dm and ask yourself if anyone really checks out all the included links.
  • When you really have to pee but can’t go because you’re in the middle of a super fun blogger chat.
  • When you write something and technology fails before you get to save it.
  • When you need a lot more time than expected to write up a post.
  • When you don’t have a boyfriend who can take cute pictures of you.
  • When you post something on your blog, Instagram etc. outside of “prime-time” and your views and likes totally suck.
  • When your DA score goes down for no understandable reason.
  • When you have to edit 184792475 photos.
  • When you messed up the scheduling of a post.
  • When you realize that someone constantly likes your Insta photos but just doesn’t follow you back.
  • When you tell yourself that stats don’t matter but they bother you a whole lot, anyway.
  • When you read that someone wants to “be friends” on Twitter, Insta etc. but they only want followers without following back.
  • When you come across blogs that have like a million followers but they’re just poorly written.
  • When you publish a post and realize that you forgot something or have a typo.
  • When you can’t unwrap something because you have to take pictures first.
  • When you read someone’s post and it’s clear that there was no proof-reading, at all.
  • When you take 935438 pictures and they all suck.
  • When you read “could/would of” and just want to scream because it’s WRONG!
  • When you constantly forget to post on Instagram and Snapchat.
  • When you feel like nobody really cares about Facebook pages.
  • When you’re real-life friends don’t realize how much blogging means to you and they don’t really support you.
  • When you’re WI-FI just stops working.
  • When you accidentally publish an unfinished draft.
  • When you just don’t have time for blogging stuff.
  • When you took your blog photos and your place is a mess, afterward.
  • When you seem to be stuck with everything or at least feel like it.
  • When you have to keep yourself from correcting people’s grammar etc. because you don’t want to be that person.
  • When you can’t just meet up with your lovely blogger friends.
  • When you get emails from weird companies and they start spamming you.
  • When you really want to join a blogger chat but the topic just isn’t yours.
  • When you’re desperately trying to figure out how somebody would pay you to blog about travelling or Disneyland.
  • When you can’t come up with a good opening sentence.
Posted in A Rollercoaster Ride | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

A Story About Bullying And Peer Pressure

Raindrops keep falling on my headWhenever I hear about people harming themselves or others because they don’t know how to deal with bullying anymore, it makes me incredibly sad because I know how they feel. One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is when people constantly try to make you feel miserable for being the person that you are. It hurts, it brings you down, it makes you question your whole existence.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been an outsider. For some people this may come as a surprise, depending on where they know me from, because I am a very outspoken, open-minded and self-confident person who has no problem with standing up for herself or others and can also be social and very friendly. My life has been pretty different from most people I know and although it has been good for developing into the person that I am today, it didn’t make my life any easier. While growing up, my family and I moved around a few times, which made it difficult to make life-long friendships and included a lot of assimilation to different surroundings. I was born in Germany but we also lived in America twice, so I had to adjust and re-adjust a lot, make new friends, even learn a new language and I just grew up a lot differently from most people I know. In my American day care, I was a girl from Germany, in my German school, located in America, I was among people who went through the same thing but I still wasn’t really voted most liked by everyone and when I went back to Germany, I was the girl from America. These roles, I was able to live with, what came afterward only became worse.

There is probably nothing I haven’t heard about me throughout my teenage years and beyond. Everyone talked behind my back and spread all kinds of ridiculous rumors, even though I never done anything to anyone. It started when I was 12, when I still had my natural hair color and loved playing with Barbie. Since then, people at school tried to make my life as miserable as possible and what can I tell you, it hurt. It still does today because I never gave anyone an actual reason to hate me. I was just a girl with a few friends, obsessed with boys and the Spice Girls and not really an in-your-face kind of person.

Early on, I had to make a decision that would have a huge effect on the rest of my life. When something like this happens, you actually have a choice. It’s not an easy one to make but trust me, there is a choice. You can either let other people dictate and ruin your life or you don’t give them that and live the life that you want. Let me tell you one thing, people hate nothing more than trying their hardest to break you but not succeeding. It was never easy to do but it made me the bigger and better person. I would’ve rather cut my arm off than show weakness. I cried at home where nobody could see me. I pretended not to care about all the cruel things people said but didn’t laugh in pictures until I was 18 because they thought it was funny to call me things like horse mouth. I had guys not want to be with me because even though they liked me as a person, they couldn’t admit it to others, since that would reflect poorly on them and destroy their reputation. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how much that hurt. Puberty is hard enough already so who needs something heartbreaking like that?

People always thought that I was stupid and are still questioning how I ever finished my A-levels, let alone get a Master’s degree. I probably slept my way through college. When I joined the school band, I had random people calling and telling me to quit because I couldn’t sing. Haters always try to go against something that you love. And of course whenever someone sang the wrong note, it was always me. I had huge problems singing in front of people for a long time because I let it get to me. I didn’t quit though and entered every stage that people asked me to enter. Giving up something that I love for a bunch of idiots just wasn’t my thing.

So as I was growing up, I was bullied because I loved wearing short skirts and make-up and I dared to dye my hair platinum blond. I was bullied for being too tall, for not being pretty enough, for my teeth, my hobbies, my talents, my upbringing, my taste in music, my favorite color and so many other superficial things. The point is though, none of this made me a bad person, or a slut, a bitch or whatever negative word comes to your mind. Not my love for pink or electronic music or my lower back tattoo, all of wich I have been judged and criticized for. The irony is that many of these people ended up doing and liking lots of things they used to hate me for. Go figure. If you don’t like the person I am that is absolutely fine because I don’t expect everyone to like me. But at least give me a chance before you make an idiotic character judgement based on my favorite color.

During the last years of school, I was even bullied for being arrogant but after all those years of constant hate, it was the wall I built up for myself. It was the only way to protect me because imagine what would have happened if I let all those bad things get to me. And yes, I thought I was a better person than all of those terrible people and I still do so, today. If that makes me arrogant, so be it.

I’m pretty sure that most of the bullying happened because of jealousy. I know that it makes people roll their eyes when you say that people say and do things because they’re jealous – it seems conceited – but it is what it is. I don’t think the jealousy was based on my looks or clothes, talents, style etc. I’m sure they were simply jealous of the fact that I didn’t seem to care. With all the shit they threw at me, they wanted to see me crack . They wanted to hurt me and make me cave in, but I never did and never will. They were jealous of me being strong enough to always be myself, no matter what, cause lots of people are just too scared to do exactly that. The sad thing is, more than 15 years later, those pathetic people haven’t changed one bit but I guess it’s just a beloved small-town sport, although it can happen anywhere.

In the past, I’ve actually asked people why they thought so negatively of me and it was always the same answer “because everyone does.” Isn’t that nice?! Peer pressure is a terrible thing. It’s dangerous and I feel sorry for everyone who give in to it, just to live an easy life. If you don’t have the balls to be an individual and to form your own opinion, I feel very sorry for you because individuality is what makes you, you. It may be difficult when you’re young but trust me when I tell you that you’ll feel so much better about yourself when you’re older.

I never understood why the popular girls were so loved by everyone, anyway. Until today, I find these ladies extremely dull, especially cause they are all suck-ups who always try their absolute hardest for everyone to like them. I’d rather be hated. The decision I made was to always be myself, no matter what other people say. To me, it was much more important to be able to look into a mirror  than to be just one of many. The thought of being just like everybody else always bored me so I had to choose the hard way. I guess all the hate ultimately made me stronger and despite everything I had to endure, I developed self-confidence for ten people, something people also hate me for.

I was an outsider in all schools, at university and even as an au pair because my main goal never was just to try an fit in and be friends with everyone. I always preferred to surround myself with a few good and loyal friends, who love me for me and don’t care what others thought, instead of huge crowds of random people who would bail if things get rough.

People who have known me for a long time still tell me that they could’ve never done it. Some of my friends actually told me that I was the strongest person they knew, just because I always had the guts to be completely myself. My mother is still grateful that I was strong enough to live my life without harming myself because of everything people have done or said. It makes me proud and sad, all at once because people shouldn’t have to go through anything like this. Years of constant harassment, rumors, slut-shaming and rejection are not easy to deal with but I did.

I honestly feel terrible for kids today because the world wide web makes the bullying even worse, since people can actually hide behind a screen to act like monsters. If social media had been a thing back in the days, I’m pretty sure that my life would have been even worse because people just really get a kick out of cyber bullying. Just so you know, you are cowards and I feel bad for you.

For everyone going through bullying in any way, I know how you feel. It is terrible  and unfair and nobody should be put through anything like this. But you are better than that and you can get through it. It’s not easy, it will hurt but you can do it. Try to surround yourself with a few positive people, find some hobbies that make you happy and just try to stay strong, as hard as you can. And if you ever feel like you can’t handle it anymore, please get help. Your life and sanity is what matters most and don’t let ignorant and awful people destroy any of it.

You don’t have to love every single person around you but at least give them a chance, no matter how they look or where they come from. Making others feel bad doesn’t make you a better person and acceptance of differences is the one thing this world desperately needs

Find me on social media: Twitter  Instagram  Facebook  Snapchat  Pinterest  Bloglovin

Posted in A Rollercoaster Ride, Statement | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments