The Single Girl Stigma

Love myselfI’m in a relationship with myself. This is what I should answer when people ask me about my love life. And then, I should tell them that it’s non of their business. What annoys me most about the nosiness of others is where this comes from. It comes from a place, where people just expect you to have a partner and it get’s worse, the older you get. I am now 28 and when I tell people I’m happily single, you experience them getting a little nervous, for you. How many times have I heard “You better hurry up then, your clock is ticking.” Dear people, did it ever occur to you that some of us like to be single and even chose to be? It has been my decision for years and trust me, it’s not because I can’t get a guy or hate men. Unfortunately, even though we’re living in the 21st century, it’s still strange to so many people that one is not longing for a relationship, especially when you’re a woman. Some of my friends still don’t get me and can’t get over the fact that I’ve stayed away from guys for six years. For me, it’s not a big deal, for other’s, it’s a stigma because they don’t believe that somebody does not want or need a relationship and assume that something is wrong with you. Well, call me weird as much as you like, but I was never a fan of “the norm.”

I’ve never been someone who talks about having kids or getting married. When you ask me how I see my life, I will tell you that I want to have a career, I want to travel and that I want to be free. Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t be with someone, but it’s just so much easier when you’re not. Would it be nice to meet someone who shares the exact same values and would be my equal? Of course it would, but in most cases, you will always have to find a compromise and I’m not really a fan of that. I’m still young and I don’t want to compromise my life. I don’t want to make decisions based on who I am with. I don’t want to be held back but I also don’t expect someone to just sit around waiting for me.

I’ve been in relationships before and they never made me happy. Why should I want something that never made me happy and never fulfilled me? And why do I even have to justify being single in my late twenties? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not generally against relationships. I think they’re great if they’re healthy and make you happy, but I’m often better at making myself happy. Furthermore, I don’t want to fall down the relationship-rabbit-hole. The time-consuming, giving up your life, losing your individuality type of rabbit hole. You all know what I’m talking about. It’s when you call your friend and she just can’t ever make time for you because of her partner. When everyone moves in together, builds houses, has children, goes on vacation and everything evolves around the item that is made of two people. Most couples will tell you that they’re still their own person and that they still have they’re own life but they don’t. They think they do but they don’t. There is always a compromise and I’m not really good compromising with. But hey, at least I’m honest about it.

I’m in a relationship with myself. I do Netflix and chill by myself. I go to the movies by myself. I plan trips by myself. Sure, I have my moments when I think it would be nice to have someone to share this with, but I know that it would take a whole lot to sweep me off my feet. I am also used to being alone, which doesn’t make it any easier to fit someone into your life. I know that I can do anything I’ve set my mind on without the help of a man. Yes, hello feminist, but I think there is nothing worse than being dependable on other people because you always relied on others and are not capable of being alone. Honestly, I have trouble even talking to these type of people, although it doesn’t influence me, at all. I feel sorry for them because being alone can be so freaking great, you should definitely try it sometime. What frustrates me the most is that I will never understand how these people can speak of true love and jump into a new relationship, a week later, after it all fell apart, just because they can’t be alone. When I love someone, I love with all my heart and when it ends, I break and need to grief. If you can give your heart to someone a few days later, don’t speak about love. Speak about your unhealthy inability to be alone.

I am also a true believer of only being able to have a healthy relationship, if you know where you stand in life and what makes you, you. If you have it all figured out and you’re happy with the person that you are, only then should be the right time to let love in. I’m not okay with myself and my life right now, and although I’m a little more open to meeting someone than I used to be, I know it comes from the wrong place. It comes from somewhere where I’m bored because I have too much time. I don’t know what to do with myself and everyone around me is in a relationship, building a life, together, while I have nothing to bring to the table. But I know that as soon as I would be back on track, I’d be annoyed as hell because that’s the terrible single-loving person I can be. Unless he’s perfect but there is no such thing. And probably even then, since perfection also bores me.

Relationships are difficult and yet, they can be so easy. They can be loving, caring and fulfilling but they can also break you into a million tiny pieces. They’re unpredictable, exciting and frightening. I admit, I’m afraid to love, to let me fall, to trust. And if the day comes, where I let someone into my life again, me and everyone around me will probably have a heart attack. I like to be single and I like to rebel against what people expect me to be and do. I don’t want the relationships that others have, that’s pretty much the only thing I’m sure of knowing. Time will tell what the future brings and who knows, maybe I’ll be married in five years and have 3 children. Just kidding – like that is ever going to happen.

I am in a relationship with myself and I wear my stigma with pride. I don’t need another you to find myself because I am myself and I like the relationship I have.

Heartbreaker

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About haileyjaderyan

⋅ 29 ⋅ a rollercoaster ride ⋅ undateable ⋅ dreamer ⋅ explorer ⋅ disney obsessed ⋅ ♥
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18 Responses to The Single Girl Stigma

  1. Pingback: Bloggers Think Tank: Relationships | I Mustache You A Question

  2. Rabiah Amla says:

    wow. this was powerful. I mean it was so interesting reading this post because I don’t hear much about this or have read about people choosing to be single. so it was lovely to see what you had to say, and if you are happy with how you are, you do you boo!

  3. Eline says:

    I’m just like you. I do hope to fall in love sometime in the future, but for now I’ll happily wear the stigma single. I’ve been single my entire life so far and to be honest, I’m not even thinking about a potential relationship right now. Perfectly happy with the way things are going. X Eline

    • I love to hear that you’re happy with how things are, that’s what matters most in life. You’re still so young and I’m sure you’ll open up to meeting someone when you’re ready for it. Thanks so much for reading! :)

  4. Dizzy says:

    There is only one relationship in our lives we truly can’t avoid and that is the one we have with ourselves. I fell in and out of bad (non-platonic) relationships with men for years and it wasn’t until I was finally happy in my relationship with myself that I found myself in a positive romantic/sexual relationship with someone else, the man I am now living with (and we make sure that we get enough space from each other every day or I would go crazy). Age doesn’t matter either, 28, 38, 88 – as long as you’re not harming someone it’s not anyone else’s business how you choose to live it.

    • Thank you for your comment and I totally agree. Glad to hear that you learned to be fully happy with yourself, that’s awesome. Hope you have a fab weekend. :)

  5. Well said! I’m 41 and have been single for about 8 years and am perfectly happy. I’m not closed off to a new relationship should one appear but I’m not constantly stressing about it either….what will be will be :)

    • I love it. Whatever is good for you is the right thing. I’m glad to hear that you’re happy with how things are. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week. :)

  6. Sian says:

    I’ve only been single for just over a year and it’s been an amazing year for me. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, I’ve been able to live my life how I want to and I’ve discovered that I’m okay on my own. I’ve just started seeing someone new but I don’t want to lose myself or my independence and not many guys can understand that. I have been perfectly content as a single girl and would be fine for a while longer! I’m glad that women are finally speaking up about this as it annoys me when people think you’re lonely!

    • Thank you so much for stopping by. I’m glad to hear that you found happiness with being single and that you’re not afraid to show it. It’s super important for women to stand up for it. Good luck with the new person in your life. I’m sure you feel so much better knowing that you don’t need him/her, in case it doesn’t last forever. – xx

  7. In my head I was saying yes to everything in this post! I completely agree with everything! I am 17 and my mum already has started saying when your older when you have your own children and get married…but who says I want either of these things?!
    Of course I would love to meet someone who shares the same interests and values as me but what’s the point in wasting time, money and valuable emotional time with someone who you know it’s not going to work out with.

    I really want a career. I also have personal values about when it’s right to have a child, which I don’t push on other people so I don’t expect other people to push their values on me X

    http://thriftyvintagefashion.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/20-things-i-have-learnt-in-two-years-of.html

    • Thanks so much for reading! :* It’s crazy how we get pressured into this way of living, pretty much our whole life. I mean you’re 17, life has so much waiting for you. And if we’re ready, we’re ready and if not, that’s ok too. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise! xx

  8. Solid and inspiring post!

  9. Pingback: Goodbye April | The Undateable Girl's Diary

  10. This was a very well written post and one of the only posts I’ve read about being single that doesn’t make me cringe. I also agree that until you’ve sorted yourself out you’re no good in a relationship, that’s where I’m at in my life right now but at the same time, I’m perfectly happy being single as well! I love the freedom that comes with it to be honest.

    http://www.thesundaymode.com

    • Thank you so much! This post does mean a lot to me because I think it’s so important that women embrace being single and don’t let anyone pressure them into fulfilling stupid social expectations. I’m glad you feel the same way. :) xx

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