“It can’t be that hard to find a guy!” – I’m sure that every longtime single has heard this at some point. It’s often followed by something like “Maybe you’re standards are just too high. There is no such thing as the perfect guy.” Man, this makes me roll my eyes really hard. Why? Because it usually comes from people who have been in relationships forever, family members who just don’t have a clue or people who simply can’t be alone and just jump from one person to another, obviously not holding any standards. People just don’t get it and simply assume that you are the problem. But you know what? I’m not having any of it because there is nothing wrong with me or the way I make decisions for my life. And I’m not letting anyone make me feel bad for not just taking any random guy.

I’m turning 30 in February and it got me thinking that it’s kinda sad that I’ve never really had a happy relationship before. I mean, I dealt with such idiots that in my early 20s, I just decided that I was over it and didn’t need a guy to make me happy. And I was right. I know how to make myself happy, I do the things I want to do and plan my life however I want to and that’s great. Gladly, I was never big on getting married and having kids but the more I think about it, it doesn’t actually sound absolutely terrible to at least meet someone. The feeling of being in love is just one of the best and it probably couldn’t hurt to feel that again. Although I’m scared as hell of the downfall, since I always expect the worse, but I could probably deal with it, since my life isn’t totally out of control right now. But where the hell do I start?The thing is, people are always big on telling me that it can’t be that hard and I just have to put myself out there, but when I actually ask them what to do, nobody really has an answer. I mean, most of my friends have been in relationships for a million years so yeah, what do they know about dating?! What options do I have? Online dating, going out all the time and meeting people, someone’s friends and that’s about it. But here are my problems with all of these options.

If any of my friends knew someone, I would’ve most definitely met them in the last few years. And I’d totally kick their butts if they knew someone and didn’t tell me. I don’t think that online dating is a bad thing, I just don’t really see myself doing it and I can’t even explain why. I think, I’m afraid that guys my age, who do serious online dating, are really looking for the one. In my head, they all want to get married and have kids in the next few years and I really don’t see that happening. I mean, I do have Tinder. I’m not sure why but I think it’s hilarious to just swipe, swipe and swipe. I’m not really a one night stand kind of girl and in general, I just never know what I want. But I’m sure that would go away if I met someone great.

So occasionally, I swipe right and match but that never got me anywhere. It’s either stupid fuckboys, I don’t hear from them (yes, I text first too!) or something else happens like I meet a really nice guy and we can’t get together because he has to go back to the States, over 5000 miles away, and won’t be back home until like eight months later. Yup, that’s my kind of luck. And then it’s just so hard to really stick with someone you don’t know and who starts to bore you after two weeks of texting cause he doesn’t really have anything interesting to say or ask. Sure, he may be a nice guy in person but some things just become clear very quickly, even over text. I mean, I could never be with someone who has no sense for irony or sarcasm. We wouldn’t get along for even a minute. And I kind of promised myself never to date someone again who just never reads a book. He’ll be back in October though and still has my number, so whatever. Surprise me!The whole going out thing is a bit difficult. It doesn’t happen often and when it does, I feel like I know half the room. That’s just a part of smalltown-living and I’m talking real small. The last time I went out with my friends, I had a blast, was really drunk and wanted to find out if I still got game. I do. I picked a guy that in my drunken state of mind was cute and definitely got his attention. Long story short, are all guys at parties still just slobs? I mean, we’re not 20 anymore and I’m not just a piece of meat. At least buy me drink first. So yeah, I still got game but picking up guys at a party just isn’t for me, anymore. And the worst thing about it? He lives like two streets away. That’s how small this smalltown-life actually is. And I don’t see the point in going out in larger cities because I don’t have the time or motivation to date someone who lives like two hours or more away. And what’s the point anyway? I can’t even remember the last time I had a decent conversation with a guy. I’m starting to think that great guys don’t exist anymore, at least not for me.

And let me just tell you about that final nail in the coffin to make you see how hard it actually is to meet someone, even when you’re open to it. There was this guy I saw on Tinder months ago that I really liked for various reasons but we never matched. A few weeks ago, the same guy actually pokes me on Facebook. Just out of nowhere and I don’t have any idea why. Usually, this whole poking thing is something I really don’t like at all but after some thinking, I was willing to make an exception. I poked back and felt ridiculous for doing it but what made it even worse was him poking me AGAIN. Who the hell does that? By the way, we’re talking about a 32-year-old grown-ass man. So for a minute, I was over it because if you go around Facebook poking random girls, I expect some balls to go with that. But on paper, he looked so great that I was willing to look passed it. But before running chances of making a fool of myself, I asked a friend who knows him, what kind of a guy he is. She gave me the all clear and I messaged him. Yeah well, I’m now kicking my butt for it. This was the conversation:

Hi :)
Hi :)
You poked me, do we know each other from somewhere? :)
No, not really. ;)
Ok, and who are you? :)

After this, NOTHING!!! So I make an even bigger fool of myself and try AGAIN. That makes three chances. That’s how much I liked him on paper.

Did I scare you away? *monkey closing his eyes*
No, why? *monkey closing his eyes*
Cause I never heard back?!

And that was it, never heard a peep again. I mean, what the hell is his problem? And then I have to listen to people telling me that it can’t be that hard? That’s just not right because it’s not me. I know, not every guy can handle a strong and confident women, but then don’t even try in the first place. I mean, my friend described him as this really great guy who may be a little on the shy side but I’m sorry, grow some damn balls and don’t act like a total idiot. I have better things to do than waste my time. I better not run into him somewhere, cause I will tell him just that. The worst part is that I’m still upset over it cause for a split second, it all seemed too good to be true. But there you see how difficult it actually is to find someone I could be happy with, at least for a little bit. So don’t tell me it’s easy and that I’m this big problem because I’m not. But who knows, maybe I’ll find Mr. Right at the super market, cause that’s what they teach us in movies, right?!

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