I’ve been single for so long that I really have to do some math to even know how many years it has been. I am 27 and I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like. Some people probably pity me for this but they really shouldn’t. Not everyone is made for relationships. And some people should just better stay single because they have really bad taste in men and with that, I mean myself. At some point, I just decided to stay away from all of them and live my life without all the trouble. I’m not ruling it out forever but it will take one hell of a man to make me change my mind and to handle me.

1. My bed and me are in a seriously relationship
On rare occasions, I think about how nice it would be to cuddle up next to someone, but then I realize how nice it is to have the whole bed to myself and forget about it. And to be honest, I don’t have room for another person. I am used to sharing my bed with a million pillows and stuffed animals and if that is not the case, I have all my technology right next to me. Laptop, tablet, phone, chargers and there are also notebooks, just in case I have an idea that needs to be written down. So no room for you!

2. I hate making compromises
I know that this is an important part in a healthy relationship and I hate it. I am so used to doing everything exactly how I want to and it would be endlessly hard to give up things I like or let things into my life that I don’t like. Just the thought of moving in with a man totally freaks me out. I’m definitely not a good roommate.

3. I work too much
People say that when something is worth it, you make time for it. I guess that’s true but when it comes to work, it can’t always go your way. I’ve always been a hard worker. Usually, I work far too many hours and I often don’t have time for anything else. During my five years at university, there were times I worked three jobs at the same time, while getting my degrees. I definitely did not have much of a social life. Momentarily, I’m working as an au pair and with all the hours I do, once again, I barely have time for anything else. I do it for the money and I’m a workaholic. It’s not always fun but I want to be able to afford things and nothing ever get’s handed to me on a silver platter. I’m not exactly sure what I will do with my future but I will most definitely continue to work as hard as I can and it just doesn’t leave much room for other things.

4. I overthink
Occasionally, I do meet someone and instead of enjoying it, I instantly have a million doubts in my head. I don’t even make room for chances because my head immidiately draws up the worst case scenario. I go back to thinking about how the other guys in my life screwed up and how it made me feel and it reminds me of why I decided to keep away from guys, in the first place.

5. I will write about you
You know how Taylor Swift writes songs about all her exes? I will write articles about you and our relationship. I will most definitely write about you if things go wrong. It’s just what writers do. Our life and the people in it are our inspiration and not every guy can handle that.

6. Lazy days over party nights
Just the thought of having someone by my side, who constantly wants to go out, makes me want to stay single forever. It is definitely ok to go out once in a while, but not on a regular basis. You can take me to the movies and maybe occasionally out to dinner, but parties are not my favorite thing and if I go out, I prefer to do so with my girls. My experience taught me that going out with your boyfriend can get pretty ugly.

7. I have trust issues
Given that I’ve been screwed over so many times, I have serious problems with trusting people. I never had anything to do with jealousy but I paid for it and I don’t know how I would handle it now. I’m pretty sure, if I ever hear a guy tell me that he’s just friends with some girl and they’ve known each other forever, I will probably rip both of their heads off. I never wanted to be that kind of woman but my experience taught be to be more careful. And just for the record, I will find out everything that you do because I’ve got some serious computer skills and eyes and ears everywhere, so no man should ever try to screw me over again. I can make your life miserable.

8. I have a low tolerance for bullshit
I don’t play games anymore. If you like me, you will show me. If not, you’re out. I don’t accept stupid excuses for whatever thing you did and don’t even think about sending me a bouquet of flowers when you messed up. If you do something that causes rumors that I don’t like, you better watch out. If you act differently because your friends are around, we’ll have a problem. I could go on and on with this list.

9. My head belongs to a seven-year old
Every time I brought a guy home, which was not that often, I was a little afraid to let them into my world. What you must know is that my room looks like Disneyland and every seven-year old girl would want to stay in there forever. At first, it leaves everyone a little speechless, but they usually adjust. After all, they do not have to live in there forever. The thing is, it does not only have an impact on my room. I constantly buy more things like Disney merchandize, I will most likely ask you to watch children’s movies with me and if you ask me where I want to go on vacation, I will probably answer with “Disneyland.”

10. I have balls
Salma Hayek once said “I keep waiting to meet a man who has more balls than I do” and that is exactly what I am waiting for, as well. I am a strong woman with a strong mind. I’ve had to defend myself all my life and I never really had people standing up for me. I fight my own battles and I don’t take shit from anybody. Many guys find me intimidating and I can’t blame them, but I definitely can’t be with someone like that. If you’re too nice, I will eat you alive. If I wanted a dog, I’ would get one. I need someone who is not afraid to speak his mind and does not shy away from  challenging me. Otherwise, I will get bored.

11. I need my own space
When I feel that my space is invaded, I have a really hard time dealing with it. I need a lot of time to myself and I am not good at entertaining people 24/7, no matter in what relationship I am with them. I was always alone and even if I was with someone, I was more alone than anything else. I know it sounds sad but it made me independent and strong and I will never make myself dependent on any man.

12. I’m not a housewife
If I know one thing about my life, it is that I do not want to be a housewife. I would be a very good one but it’s just not in the books for me. Marriage and kids were never on my list. Everyone keeps telling me that I will change my mind, but I’m not a teenager making this decision. Of course, you never know what will happen in the future but I highly doubt that I will ever feel the urge to be a wife, a mother, a housewife. Especially after working full-time as an au pair, I’m more serious about this than ever before. I know that not every man wants a housewife, but to be honest, deep down they all do.

13. I’m obsessed with TV shows
I’m not talking about one or two TV shows that I like to catch up on every week. I’m talking about shows from all different categories and I spend a lot of time watching them. I usually combine this with writing or ironing my clothes because I have too much to do to just watch TV all day, but still, this is important to me. My last boyfriend was overall annoying, especially when he was in my really small dorm room, while I wanted to watch “Friends.”  It drove me nuts. I highly doubt that I find someone who will sit down with me and watch everything from “Pretty Little Liars” to “Sons of Anarchy” to “Keeping up with the Kardashians.”

14. My expectations are too high
I’m pretty sure that every person has a list in their head how the ideal partner would look and be like. Mine is crazy and a guy like that does not exist! The thing is, my family and friends used to say that my standards were too high but then I pointed out the guys I’ve dated and they had to agree that it was not the case. None of them were close to what is on my list and on top of that, they were douchebags. So now, I’m at a point were I don’t feel like lowering my standards anymore. I got screwed over so many times and afterward, I always wanted to punch myself in the face for letting it happen by guys who were so not worth anything.

15. I’m complicated
I don’t blame it all on the guys. I know that I am definitely not easy to handle and I can get highly complicated. This list is definitely proof. I don’t believe in eternal love and sometimes, I don’t even know if I believe in love, at all. I’ve witnessed so many hearts break. I’ve had so many guys hit on me who have girlfriends and claim to love them dearly. I’m a child of separated parents. Everything influenced me so much that I hardly have any respect left for men. I don’t excuse their behavior just because they are male, which a lot of women do. A real man has respect and knows what is right and what is wrong. If one day, a real man comes along and sweeps me off of my feet, I will be more surprised than anyone else.