I honestly don’t know why I still have Tinder installed on my phone, since nothing good ever came out of it. However, I do think it’s a great source of entertainment, so I’m keeping it, although I expect nothing of it. I especially love seeing guys on there, whom I know in real life. You can bet that I take screenshots and send them to my friends. I mean, who wouldn’t?! I also absolutely love judging pictures – how dare you have pictures of you and your girlfriend on Tinder, you scumbags? – and I’m still a superficial brat.

My friends give me a hard time for it, but when I give them my phone to see for themselves who is out on the market, they always realize that they’re not better than me. And don’t even try to tell me that you would just hit on somebody in real life that you’re zero attracted to. Nice try, it doesn’t work like that. And I don’t care about guys swiping left on me either, because I can’t expect to be everyone’s type. Even though I’m freaking fabulous, but still.

So like three times a year, I match with someone – yeah, that’s how superficial I am – and honestly, what is wrong with these guys? Boys, if you’re on Tinder not just for a hookup, and even if you are, at least try to be someone a girl doesn’t lose interest in within two seconds. I mean, what ever happened to a simple hello?! You don’t need a stupid pick-up line, just be normal cause it will go a much longer way. We’re not teenagers anymore so don’t act like one and make an effort. In general, male or female, make an effort, be polite and stop putting up a show – it’s boring af.

Currently, I have four matches on Tinder. One of them is the guy that I wrote about a while ago, with whom I texted for quite a bit and then I don’t know what happened. Living in two different countries at the time wasn’t ideal and I don’t have his new number, but the match is still there, but doesn’t really count. There is another guy I’m chatting with but that doesn’t seem to go anywhere. I mean, he opened with hello but then made fun of my name like a 10-year old. (You must know that my real name tends to be made fun of in Germany but it’s so 2001.) So, I let him know and surprisingly, he didn’t unmatch me for not laughing at his pathetic joke. Whatever. The other two matches are just sitting there with nothing happening.

So, that’s the update on that. I do want to tell you about a match I had last week though, just to show you what singles have to deal with. Seriously, people are not allowed to tell me that it can’t be that hard to find a man or that I’m just too complicated cause that’s just wrong and I’m having none of it.

*swipes left so many times that there is actually no point*

Oh, super cute guy.

Damnit, he only has one picture.

I don’t trust that.

But it looks like one he could’ve actually taken.

Ok, stop being paranoid.

His profile basically says he’s looking for the love of his life.

Does one really look for that on Tinder?

Maybe he’s not serious.

I’m never getting married.

Stop overthinking.

*swipes right*

And we matched.

I used to get so excited.

Now, I barely care.

Ohhh, a message.

Nice, started with a simple hello and complimented my pictures and my travels.

Every guy who doesn’t use a cheesy line get’s a chance.

Ok, normal chatter.

Blah blah, blah blah…

He’s looking for a girl that’s open, nice, sometimes girly, sometimes boring.

Ummm, ok.

Should accept him as he is.

*Asks: “And how are you?”*

“Just a normal guy. Nothing special.”

WOW.

If that doesn’t make a girl want you then what does?!

I’m already over it.

I’m bored.

But I’m trying not to be a bitch.

So more blah blah…

“Well, let me be direct. Ideally, I’m looking for an open-minded girl who is interested in BDSM.”

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????

Boy, bye.

Is this a prank?

Maybe it’s someone I know and they’re pranking me.

Stop being paranoid.

Why does he suddenly live only 3 kilometers away from me?

Stop being paranoid.

Chill.

Sorry, I’m not into that.

He’s weird.

Not for being into BDSM, but for the way he sells himself.

There were NO signs.

Well, goodbye handsome.

I won’t let you tie me up and stuff.

I’m still not convinced that this is real.

I need to tell someone.

Oh Tinder….

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