To be honest, I thought I was through with Tinder, a little while ago. I wasn’t even considering actually meeting with people and just laughed my butt off swiping from face to face. But now that I pretty much have my life a lot more in order than last year, I thought I’ll just give it another shot. The thing is, I don’t even know what I want, since I’m not really a hook-up kind of girl but I also have major relationship issues so yeah, why the hell do I even bother? Because I decided to let life surprise me. Since I never really happen to meet people in real life, why the hell not reinstall the app?! And yes, I know there are a lot more serious apps to use but I don’t know. I’m not the person who wants to get matched with someone based on answers to questions like sunrise or sunset? Or create a major dating profile or whatever else you have to do on all these other options. I have commitment issues so I’ll just start with Tinder. And if they just want to hook up and I don’t, I can always just say goodbye.
So anyway, once in a while it happens that I match with someone. I guess the problem is that from 300 guys, I swipe right on like five of them. Yes, that’s the superficial, self-sabotaging moron I can be. But whatever. I want to like someone’s face and I don’t see that being a bad thing. That doesn’t mean that a pretty face is all that matters. So yeah, sometimes matches happen and this is just a little insight into my crazy mind. I know, I’m weird but that’s ok.
*swipes right on like five out of 300 guys*
Ha, another match.
Mmmm, which of these matches do I actually pay attention to?
I should probably just delete them all.
No, you wanted to stop being a coward.
Not all men are terrible idiots. Right? RIIIIGHT???
Ok, here we go.
*picks the one who seems like he likes to travel but who didn’t overdo it with his choice of pics*
Do I text him?
Why isn’t he texting me?
I’m a grown-ass woman, I can text him.
What do I write?
Shit, this is so hard.
Ok, think, think, think…
Maybe just a hello?
Emoji, or no emoji, that is the question.
What the hell, the worst that can happen is him ignoring me.
I’ve been perfectly single for years, I don’t need anyone.
Ok, calm down and just do it.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
Damn, I wish I was more chill.
He texted back, ladies and gentlemen, he texted back.
I’m such a pro at this.
And my pictures look pretty good.
He likeeees me.
Calm down, moron. Remember about not actually caring?
This is not going bad.
Travels – always a good topic.
But how long will it last until he get’s all weird and only wants sex?
Does he only want sex?
How do I find out if he only wants sex?
No, I can’t just ask him.
What if he’s actually nice?
Why do I even bother, I’ll probably be bored by tomorrow, anyway.
Wow, a few hours later and I’m still not bored.
How is this even possible?
Let me go back through his pictures and see if I’m actually into him.
Stop being a superficial bitch and give him a chance.
Man, texting with this app is annoying.
Do I ask if we can exchange numbers?
I hate giving out my number.
He seems nice, though.
I gave him my number.
Dude, why aren’t you texting me like IMMEDIATELY???
*has minor panic attack*
Ah, here we go.
Oh fantastic, he wants pictures.
Why do guys always ask for pictures?
You ain’t getting nudes, hun.
Ok, he’s sending some, as well. Fully clothed from some travel adventures. Acceptable.
*Looks for the prettiest pictures her phone has to offer*
Still no major warning signs.
Should I check his spelling? Punctuation? Grammar?
STOP SABOTAGING IT EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!
Would I want to go out with him?
Wow, I can actually see myself going out with him.
How can we have so much in common?
Is this even possible?
Nobody who knows me is gonna believe this.
I need to stalk him online to find something I can’t live with.
How can I not find anything?
*looks through his pictures for the millionth time*
He’s definitely not fully my type.
I still kinda like him.
*hears Rihanna’s lyrics in her head*
♪ On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised ♪
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
I have to stop doing this.
I mean, it’s not like I’m in love or anything.
For once just CHILL.
Yes, chill. I can do that.
To be continued…