Tinder Diaries: The One That Got Away

Posted on October 4, 2020 by haileyjaderyan

I admit, the title sounds a little more dramatic than it actually is but now that I have your attention, here we go. The fact that this story is based on a match that happened over a year ago does say a lot. And yes, I feel a bit silly, but it’s safe to say, after a million years of being single and not caring about men most of the time, it’s nice to know that I can still obsess over a guy and I guess feel something. Which is probably a little exaggerated. I didn’t fall in love, I was just interested enough to care.

So in August of 2019, I matched with someone on Tinder. One of his pictures just totally got to me. And my friends and my mom were totally like: “Yeah, that’s so your type.” Anyway, we matched, we started texting for hours and I was up until two in the morning, enjoying every minute of it. The thing is, I get bored pretty quickly – in person and over text. So for someone to keep me engaged for hours was surprising but fun. And I immediately turned into someone constantly checking their phone, smiling when there was a message, impatient when there wasn’t. It was wonderful.

It felt completely natural from the start. We were vibing and we totally had a similar way of witty texting with a mixture of German and English and lots of humor. He was into 90s rap music and a 12-year-old kid at heart just like me. I didn’t care that he was a tiny bit shorter than me or that he planned on moving to Canada in a bit. I already saw myself going there on vacation or you know, packing my bags and saying goodbye to friends and family. I was totally into him. And I had just told my mom the day before that if I had an opportunity for an adventure, I would go for it. So all of this made total sense.

And then the texting stopped. I still kick myself for overthinking and not pushing hard enough. He had told me that he wanted to get to know me better and I was completely up for it. I was ready to meet him in person, even though I usually chicken out right away. We texted for a few days and it got less and less enthusiastic each time. I’m mad at myself for not just going for it, straight up asking him where this was going. I just accepted him ghosting me. I didn’t want to seem clingy or pushy. My pride got in the way and I told myself he wasn’t worth it. Maybe he was, maybe not.

For the record, according to social media, he didn’t move to Canada. Yes, I searched the internet high and low to find out more about him and after months of absolutely nothing, I finally ended up successful. That’s what happens when there is a virus out there and you have too much time to kill. I obsessed all over again and didn’t give up. No, I am not a stalker. I consider myself to be more of a private investigator. For a moment, I honestly considered chatting him up on Insta, but that would probably be a bit too embarrassing and I should absolutely get a life.

So what did I learn from this? When I feel like going for it, I should. I honestly didn’t have anything to lose. It was just some guy. However, I was overwhelmed cause I wasn’t used to actually feeling like wanting to give someone a chance. Maybe, in the end, he was just a lying bastard anyway, and it was all for the better. But I guess we’ll never know…

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Why Having a Burn Book Isn’t As Awful As It Sounds

Posted on October 3, 2020 by haileyjaderyan

It’s October 3rd and you know what that means? HAPPY MEAN GIRLS DAY!!! I just can’t help myself, I need to recognize this every single year, because what former Plastic would I be, if I didn’t? Yes, not a joke, Plastic through and through in high school.

So, from reading the title of this post, you may think I’m insane because admittedly, this book may be the meanest thing you’ve seen in teenage movies. It’s a book the Plastics created, where they write down really mean things about other girls from their school. And I mean really bad things. But honestly, I don’t think the idea itself is that bad. What’s bad is that Regina uses it as a weapon toward the end of the movie and it hurts a lot of people. This I obviously do not support. So I guess rule number one: Make sure nobody ever gets a hold of it.

Maybe there are people out there, who don’t have a bad bone in their body, which is fantastic. I am not one of these people. I actually have a few. And when I’m mad, you don’t want to be on my bad side. I used to be very hot-tempered and probably still am, I can just control it better nowadays. And one way for me to go about things is writing. So I feel like when you really don’t like a person, or someone is absolutely mean, you don’t have to stoop to their level. Therefore, I think a burn book is a good way to blow off steam without actually hurting people.

Instead of posting vile comments on social media, people should just write things down for themselves and then be done with it. Believe me, if I would share all of my thoughts, people would probably seriously hate me. We all have our moments and I’m all for honesty, but sometimes, it’s just better to keep your mouth shut.

I don’t currently keep an active burn book but a diary just works fine, as well. We used to have one as a clique and I also had a personal one and yes, there are really mean things in there about teachers, classmates, co-workers, etc. And definitely not just girls. But mostly people who have been awful toward me and are not necessarily innocent.

Thinking about it, I should probably burn them, but I guess in some way, they are a reminder of who wronged me and was just awful. So yeah, if you’re really upset and you feel like saying all the mean things you can think of to somebody, don’t do it because chances are that you’ll really regret it. And it doesn’t make you any cooler to go around telling people how much you hate them. Right it down, make sure you get it all out of your system, and then move on.

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Goodbye Summer (June-September) 2020

Posted on October 2, 2020 by haileyjaderyan

Goodbye summer, 

and hello fall and month of October. It’s obviously been a while, since sharing my last monthly round-up. I would like to say that I’ve been super busy and had the greatest summer ever, but with the shitshow that is 2020, that would obviously be a big fat lie. At least for me, cause I take this whole pandemic very seriously and therefore am even less active than before. All trips were canceled, I mostly hang out with the same people and preferably outside, and for me, it’s just all not that fun. Whenever I want to do something, I overthink and feel like “better safe than sorry” is a good way to go.

In a normal world, I could tell you about great vacations I went on, but I didn’t. So what the hell did I do? Definitely spend lots and lots of time with my doggy and went on walks with him and some of my friends — especially with my bestie and godson. Our little group also went to an animal park and had a good time. I’m up for anything that is outside. Although we did have breakfast at one of my friends’ house once. It felt weird at first but it actually was really nice. We still kept our distance though, cause that’s just the way things are now.

And after months of not seeing her, I also visited my grandma a few times. I was so scared at first, but she’s a tough cookie and I’m not out and about much, super careful, have my mask, disinfectant always at hand, and definitely keep my distance – something I hope people will continue doing forever. But it was nice spending some time with her, eating cake, chatting. And I also took a day off once to spend a whole day with her, driving her to shops were she needed specific things and well, that woman just amazes me at 91. We can hit the stores for hours and she just has the best time. And when I picked us up some food from McDonald’s at her request, she reminded me of a little kid. So full of joy, so excited and she ate a Big Mac and all the fries. It made me love her even more.

I also went to Frankfurt zoo once to meet up with my bff who doesn’t live in the area and afterward, we ended up just chilling in the sun in the middle of the city and doing some people watching. I could do that all day, everyday. I also did a quick Primark shop cause I usually do that once a year anyway in Frankfurt and sure, it was definitely not a necessity, but I loved it. That’s probably one of the most fun things I did during these past few months: shopping. I’m not a huge shopper and only jump into certain stores and don’t stay too long, but I’m very good at spending lots of money in very little time. Now I have lots of fun new things. What a summer.

I went to two outside swap parties, which I absolutely live for and I just love getting rid of things. I also have to – constantly. There is just too much of everything. And next year, the house will be sold and I’m finally getting my own apartment. I still have to find the right one though, which is being a pain, especially cause I want to find one that allows a dog. It’s a bit stressful cause everyone else already knows where they’ll live, except for me. But I’m still hopeful. Someone actually tried to scam me by promising an amazing apartment that never existed. Gladly, I’m a smart girl and know my way around the internet and found out before sending any money or so. But I was really bummed out. So wish me luck for finding the perfect place. SOON. And until then, I will organize lots and lots of things. I love all my storage boxes. They make me happy.

So I guess that’s about as interesting as it gets. Been hanging out lots with my mom, actually read several books, slept a lot, wasn’t as creative as I hoped to be, did lots of shopping – online and in stores – watched a lot of Disney+ and Netflix and more of those things. And the rest of my year won’t be much different. Still hoping for a golden October, but currently, the weather is awful. I’ll just try and make the best of it. Definitely planning on being more creative again and I guess doing Blogtober is a good start.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Focus on everything you have and not what you don’t have. Enjoy a rainy day by snuggling up and watching a good movie or reading a book you can’t put down. Buy something that brings you joy. Don’t let this burden that is 2020 constantly rain on your parade. Make every moment count. Smile. More. Often.

Tons of love,
Hailey ♡

Tierpark Herborn

Lovely life
♡ doggy cuddles ♡ vacation time ♡ sleeping in ♡ my favorite Starbucks drink ♡ family time ♡ cupcakes ♡ objects full of memories ♡ challenging yourself ♡ a good salad ♡ “Enola Holmes” ♡ driving really fast ♡ meerkats ♡ a good shopping spree ♡ Pad Thai ♡ people watching ♡ reading ♡ “This is Paris” ♡ loungewear ♡ buying od 90s things ♡ zoo ♡ when the weather cools off ♡ fall ♡ “Little Fires Everywhere” ♡ cute stickers ♡ picking up my favorite food ♡ getting rid of things ♡ anything with ground beef ♡ my new shades ♡ plans for getting an aquarium ♡ making grandma happy ♡ the smell of babies ♡ puzzles ♡ being productive ♡ chill workdays ♡ time with my besties ♡ Pizza Hut ♡ swap parties ♡ gardening ♡ videocalls ♡ Disney Emoji ♡ having the house to myself ♡ buying everything I want ♡ having a fast food feast ♡ rainbows ♡ when people get what they deserve ♡

Books I’ve read and loved
♡ “Big Little Lies” by Liane Moriarty
♡ “YOU” and “Hidden Bodies” by Caroline Kepnes
♡ “The Kissing Booth 2” by Beth Reekles

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Hello Blogtober – Am I really doing this again?

Posted on October 1, 2020 by haileyjaderyan

Sooo, am I really doing this again? It’s October and I guess I’m gonna give Blogtober another shot. I did it in 2018 and it was exhausting and challenging, but also kinda fun. And yeah, this is so me, hardly blogging for two years and then going in full force. I just feel that I need a challenge because I have become pretty lazy and I procrastinate 24/7. I don’t like this version of me, so maybe this will get me back into something I actually love and miss. I have to stop with the excuses and just go for it. I need to be more creative, take photos again, write about whatever I want, do some projects, and then write about them. So yeah, I think this may be the right challenge for me.

So basically, Blogtober means that you have a new post out every day throughout the month. It doesn’t all have to be about fall, although it is my favorite season and I love writing about fall, so I’ll probably come up with some matching ideas. And yes, this introduction counts as post number one. And probably keeps you from wondering if someone with a lot of motivation hacked my account.

Exactly as last time, I planned on having more posts prepared by now, since recently I had some time off from work, but something always seemed to get in the way of writing, which is super frustrating. AKA I’m lazy and full of excuses. I do have a list full of ideas though.

I really hope that I manage to pull through and fully enjoy blogging again. But I do have a question, do people actually still blog? I’ve been so out of touch with everything that I feel like everyone only does TikToks now. So I invite you to stop by for a visit each day – it would be highly appreciated.

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Goodbye April and May 2020

Posted on June 12, 2020 by haileyjaderyan

Goodbye, April and May,

and hello June. Yup, skipped a month again, but let’s be honest, it’s not like a lot happened. Or was able to happen. What a shitty year 2020 has been so far. But despite everything that is going on – which is definitely a lot – I’m doing good. Which feels weird to write, cause I know that a lot of people are not. It’s just all really crazy, but who am I telling this. I guess we’ve all realized that by now.

So obviously I didn’t really have a lot going on with lockdown and all. Although it didn’t feel like a full lockdown in Germany since we were always allowed to leave the house, go for walks and lots of shops were open. So at least in the countryside, I didn’t find it so bad. I’m not so much out and about anyway and was already used to working from home. And since I still live with my family, I wasn’t alone either. Although the situation has of course brought some problems on, I do feel privileged in this unusual situation.

Even though things have eased up, I’m still social distancing as much as possible, don’t hang out with people indoors and all that jazz. I take this very seriously and get upset over everyone that doesn’t. Occasionally, I go grocery shopping, I went into a clothing store like twice but that wasn’t super fun. In general, I find going to stores a bit stressful now, so I don’t go often. I go to physical therapy once a week and grab the occasional Starbucks drink and some Chinese takeout. That’s about it.

I had some fun video calls with friends and I absolutely loved it. Totally looking forward to more of them. Honestly, I had so much fun during every single one of them and I didn’t even have to get ready or leave the house for it. I call that a win. And I met up with my bestie here and there to go for walks with the dogs or some ice cream but that’s pretty much it for my social life.

But with all this time, I can at least focus more on all my hobbies. I’ve done a lot of scrapbooking and definitely made a little progress with reading. Unfortunately, blogging just never seems to fit in which is a shame, but I still have hope. I just have to catch the writing fever again. I also worked on a little project, meaning I repainted an old desk I inherited from my grandparents and that turned out beautifully.

I also went absolutely crazy with online shopping. Oh, the things you think you need… But you know what? I had to cancel my trips for this year and well, why not buy some pretty things with some of the money. I now have a ton of new clothes and no place to wear them, so expect me to look amazing while strolling through the aisles at the grocery store.

So that’s it. I honestly don’t have anything exciting to say but that’s ok. Life can’t always be filled with fireworks. Maybe June will bring a bit more action, since I will have 2,5 weeks off and not fly to the US, and I’m not planning on just sleeping through the days. I’ll think of some things to do, mainly outside things probably, and of course, go about my hobbies. As sad as I am about not going on a trip I wanted to go on for 23 years, it will be ok and I’m looking forward to lots more me-time. Cause I like being around myself.

Try not to get overwhelmed by the craziness that is 2020. Spend a day watching Disney movies. Educate yourselves on important topics. Have an open mind and an open heart. Reach out to people you haven’t seen in a long time. Be kinder to one another. And please, stay safe.

Tons of love,
Hailey ♡

Lovely life
♡ video calls ♡ old furniture ♡ online shopping ♡ Loungefly Disney backpacks ♡ all my new shoes ♡ sheet masks ♡ my doggies cute little face ♡ Starbucks ♡ days when my back isn’t all bad ♡ reading ♡ supporting important causes ♡ scrapbooking ♡ ice cream ♡ providing my friends with toilet paper ♡ bbq ♡ nature in bloom ♡ new arts & crafts supplies ♡ cake ♡ Chinese takeout ♡ the quiet of the woods ♡ cute stickers ♡ me-time ♡ lemon iced tea ♡ the sound of rain ♡ car rides with good music ♡ informing yourselves on important topics ♡ long voice mails ♡ mom cooking my favorite food for me ♡ walks with a view ♡ organizing stuff ♡

Recent posts
Photography: London #2 // All the Books I Want to Read // World, meet Charlie // Goodbye March 2020 // Things to do while being stuck at home

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